This is the real me.

Hello

It's been a few weeks since I've been getting these feelings. The feelings where everything's going wrong. The feelings where all I want to do is curl up in in ball in the corner and die. That'd be the life, wouldn't it? I can't even talk about this with Connor, or any of my friends. I act all happy and normal on the outside, when all I really want to do is scream. It's those small things that build up on top of each other that hurt the most. Argument with the parents or boyfriend. A disagreement of opinions. A grade that you weren't happy with. They all add up. I'm the ugliest person alive in this entire world, I'm fat and I NEED to lose weight. That may be what every girl thinks, but seriously, i HATE the way I look. It makes me sick. Thing is, if I told my friends about it, they'd all say 'Hannah, we all get stressed. it's cos of the mocks', and yes, the mocks may not be helping atm, but they're not the things that are most on my mind. I didn't want to write all this up on the computer, but there's nothing else I can do to explain how I feel. I feel like my insides have been ripped out. Like there's nothing in this world left to live for. Don't get me wrong, my friends are AMAZING. I love them like nothing else in this world, but I just hate what goes on around and outside of school. At home. With Connor. Like I said; everything adds up. I'm not some stupid girl who's just gonna go and commit suicide at any chance, don't be silly. But I do like to get my anger out. I tend to do it by being mad at people who I shouldn't be mad at; mainly Connor. But he doesn't deserve it all, tbh. And when I argue with people it just makes me more annoyed and more pissed off. Truth is, I'm sure there are a lot of people who have been through this, and I know I didn't explain fully what was wrong with me in this, but hey. I know what I'm talking about, even if you don't.
I'm going to have to think of another way of letting out my anger, without committing suicide or having a go at other people.

Yours ...
Hannah xxx