we fight, we move on.

Hello

yep, once again, connor and i had an argument. but it was only about his football or something silly like that. we made up in the end - that's what's so great about our relationship now - we can really talk about things. silly arguments like that just show how close we are.

and tbh, i couldn't be happier with him. Yes, we fight every now and then, but we make up and are happy together :)
i was a bitch to say that we couldn't have a future together - of course we could. we would just have to work our arses off to get there.

I had a really nice day with him today though :)

wow, i love him :)

and also, i sent my invitations out on facebook for my party, today :)

Yours with lovelovelove,
Hannah xxx

tbh, i don't know how i feel.

Hello

Benoit has a new girlfriend.

how do i feel?

i have no idea.

Yours with dunnoness,
Hannah xxx

who am i kidding?

Hello

I'm in a bad mood.
not with anyone in particular, although it did all steam from my parents buying everyone else curry and not me, even though i did ask VERY nicely.
i'm also taking out my bad mood on Connor. I shouldn't. but i am.
I love him, but we're 2 kids sharing some stupid dream about having a future together. we both want it to happen, but we don't have anything to work with. Neither of us have a job so we can't afford rent on a flat, my parents don't want me having sex till i'm 17 (as my dad talked to be about earlier) and we'd argue all the time.
I told him all of this in text tonight, just now, actually. and he argued and said that we WOULD have a life together. and I said no we wouldn't. I'd end up staying with my parents until i'm 60 because no one would want a fat, ugly whore, who lost her virginity too early. I'd also end up working in sainbury's.
I just don't think Connor understands how much I rely on him. For example, today, he should have offered to ring me. but he didn't. He just allowed me to go to bed with just saying 'Night xxx'. I would have offered to ring him had he been like that with me. He hasn't quite grasped what it's like for me - I'm a teenage girl in a serious relationship. It's stressful and I have a lot of work to do atm. I love him, but he needs to help me! All i wanted was a phone call for goodness' sake!
He won't even read this, so he'll still be in a mood with me in the morning because I've ruined the dream that we shared, and he can't even read the reasons why i'm in a bad mood. it's not with him. i just fecking hate life atm.
It's not my fault. I just can't believe something that I know can't happen in the state that things are in.

so, until tomorrow. or some later date,

Yours with badmoodness,
Hannah xxx

Dear blog,

Hello

I know everyone has their problems.
I'm not denying that.
but i swear to god, the same problem i have keeps coming back and back.
it's not friendships, or connor or anything like that.
it's a physical thing.
omg. i actually think i have some serious problem.
i'll see how it is tomorrow, and then have to go to the doctor's again if it's bad.

anyway,

Yours with bleughness,
Hannah xxx

Yeahyeah

Hello

yes, i know. it's been a while.
I've spent most of half term with my lovely boyfriend :) it was wonderful up Noooorth ;)

we spent half the time on the Wii and we went rifle shooting and then the lads went quad biking as well.
Rhianna, Mark and I went and played crazy golf. (I won :L)
but yeahh, we shared a reallllly nice room and had a lovely bathroom as well.
I really wanna go back. and it's weird not having connor around nearly every second of the day. I miss him.
It's times like these when i realllly think that Connor and I could have a real future together. And that, if he asked me to move in with him when he got a job and I got one as well and I was in college etc as well, that I would say yes.

i've realised now, that actually, i don't think i could get bored of him anymore. I'm past that stage of not having anything to do. It's the different things like going on holiday together like that that keep us together and keep us strong.
I'm not even joking, i love him so much more than i've ever loved anything.
He's like one of my best friends as well as my boyfriend and to be honest, he makes me so happy :)

know what else? we bought matching trackies. oh yes we did :)
and we had a lovely meal out and valentines day was lovely :) i was given flowers, a CD and some chocolates.
omg the amount of shit i ate then was inbelieveable!
i need to cut down again i think :L

but yeahh, that holiday was full of a lot of new experiences ;) :)

Last night i was over at Nikki's with Evie and Jess :) was a laugh.
got chinese, watched Jeepers Creepers and Mean Girls as well.
i fell asleep first, as usual.
I'm thinking a fairly early night tonight!

Niiight!!!

Yours with loveloveandmorelove,
Hannah xxx

Up Noooorth :)

Hello

so yeah, i'm in Lincolnshire :)
i looove it XD

and everything's good so yeahh.

my cat called me this evening, drinking milk. it was fun :)

anyway, im off ;)

Yours with LOOOVE,
Hannah xxx

Jonglage

Hello

Evie's living with me today and tomorrow :)
it's gooooood ;)

and women in black is on friday
and i'm going to Belton Woods on Saturdayyyy :D
cannot WAITTTT :):):)


Yours with goodness,
Hannah xxx

Prom dress?

Hello

http://www.promroyalty.com/midnight-blue-rimini-midnight-prom-dresses-p-53.html

that's the address to my (hopeful) prom dress.
i love it (dark blue, btw)

i love this pink one as well, but it's too expensive:

http://www.promroyalty.com/light-pink-bella-light-pink-prom-dress-p-16.html

soo yeahh..

:)

Yours with promness,
Hannah xxx

So i've been coming up with imaginary scenarios in my head, for example, i died, but I could see how everyone was reacting. i also thought about what would happen if i KNEW i was going to die. who would i tell? what would i say to people? who would i apoogise to? who would i take the opportunity to punch round the face? (not thinking of anyone in particular..*cough*miss gammon*cough*)

basically, i thought about myself. and i thought that actually, i'm hideous. people say 'Hannah! you're so vain! you have so many pictures of yourself!'
wanna know why i have so many pictures?
to make myself feel good because i want people to think that i'm pretty even though on the inside i feel like a total fuck ugly ogre.
i'm not after attention, so please don't think i am.

i just can't seem to help myself in anything i do.
i tell myself to lose weight: i can't.
i tell myself to sort myself out: i can't.

in general, i fail at life.

on the upside, i think i love mr hoare :L

but yeahh.

I'm going on holiday to Lincolnshire with Connor & fam on saturday :) should be soo good.
and on Friday Evie and I have the Women in Black trip in London.. not sure whether to be excited or worried :S

I'm not sure what else to write in here today. It sounds like i've just droned on and on..
but i'm not trying to complain. i generally am annoyed.

also, i don't know if i've written this on here, but i'm going to the 'doctor's' for my social anxiety thing.
(for those who don't know):
- I can't go out without thinking that everyone is looking at me or laughing
- I can't meet new people for too long without thinking that they're judging me
- I can't see Connor's friends because i'm afraid they'll take the piss or hate me or laugh
- I get paranoid when i'm in big groups that different people within the group are talking about me
- I get paranoid about Connor - that he's going to hurt me again
- Any girl that talks to him i get worried about, automatically.

so yeah, that's why i need to go to the shrink's.
please don't think i'm a weirdo.

anyway, i'm going.
I'm rather tired and should be going to bed soon..

Yours with unsureness,
Hannah xxx

here goes.

Hello

right, well i've decided a diet is not the best way forward.
however i WILL watch what i eat.
i'll try and be good, without starving myself (!)

also, i thought everything was shit yesterday. it wasn't. it's fine now.
connor and i had a mini dispute earlier, but it's all patched up now :)

i have ALSO just had a FREEZING cold shower because my dumbarse parents don't know how to turn on the bloody hot water! :@

but yeah..

I'm well tired.
going to purposely 'forget' my P.E. kit tomorrow to miss out on double P.E. :)

Yours with tiredness-but-also-love,
Hannah xxx

Hey fatty bom bom..

Hello

...want another cream cake?

yes please. because i need to be fatter than i am already.

eurgh. fml

Yours with fatness,
Hannah xxx

FML.

Hello


WHY
CAN'T
I
LOSE
WEIGHT!?


seriously. i say i'm going to be good, and then i fuck up!
i was doing fine for agesss!
maybe i'm going to have to go back to doing whatever i did before and start actually being careful.

then that's what i'll do.

Yours with forfuckssakeness,
Hannah xxx

History

Hello

you're going to be my revision help for History :)
brb lemme get my notes...

basically, I'm just going to write things to you, and you have to listen intently, got it?
good.

i'll begin.

1931 - Japanese invasion of Manchuria
1933 - Hitler became Chancellor of Germany
1934 - Mussolini stops Hitler from uniting with Austria
1935 - he introduced conscription and rearmament
- the Saar voted to be part of germany again (it belonged to the League for 15 years, and was allowed to choose whether to be part of France or germany)
1936 - March: Hitler marched his troops into the Rhineland. (Tear up the Treaty of Versailles)
- Spanish civil war began (Hitler sent planes over to Franko to help him)
- Rome-Berlin act. (Hitler and Mussolini agreeing to help the other if they go to war)
1938 - March - Hitler marched his troops into Austria - they welcomed him - Anschluss (Germany and Austria uniting)
- September - Chamberlain appeased Hitler, and gave him the Sudetenland - made it easier for invading Czechoslovakia
1939 - March - Hitler marched his troops into the rest of Czechoslovakia (easier for invasion of Poland)
- August - Hitler and Stalin made a pact not to attack each other. Their secret pact was to attack Poland from either side and defend themselves from Britain and France should they attack. They would share Poland.
- September - Hitler invades Poland. 2 days later, Britain declares war on Germany.

Saar
Conscription and rearmament
Rhineland
Austria
Munich crisis

Czechoslovakia
USSR (when britain promised germany they would go to war if they invaded poland)
Poland


THANKS FOR LISTENING :)


Yours with boredness,
Hannah xxx

I'M SO FUCKING FAT.

Hello

I HATE MY BODY.
SO FUCKING MUCH.
I'M NOT GOING TO EAT. EVER. SERIOUSLY. TOMORROW, I SHALL EAT DINNER ONLY.

FML.

but i'm happy with connor :D:D:D
still no arguments :)

and he bought me a reallllly cute teddy :D
i love him.

and the poetry live trip was a laughhhh :L
love john agard :L

Yours with fatness-but-also-with-love,
Hannah xxx